WHY DID I SAID NO?
when opening my planner, the big question is always:
“Sara, why don’t you accept all the projects that people ask you to do?”
“Sara, why is my project not your cup of tea?”
“Sara, I asked for a poppy! you love poppies! why won’t you tattoo this on me?”
“Sara, but my story is very important, delicate, secret, psychologically deep, why
don’t you want to accept my project?”
then they tell me:
“you’re a little smug….”
“shit, do you think my story isn’t good enough for you?”
“what does it mean that these subjects are not your cup of tea?”
” who do you think you are?”
no, I’m just dyslexic
actually, I’m not only dyslexic, but I have got plenty of SLD – specific learning disabilities –
such as dysgraphia, dysorthography, dyscalculia…. but usually it is just called: dyslexia
therefore, I am dyslexic
what does it exactly mean to be dyslexic?
the cliché tells us that a dyslexic person is a child who can’t read, perhaps less intelligent
than the other children, who is not good at school and that he can’t keep up
this is not true, it’s actually much more than this
I, for example, have always been a good student, instead of not keeping up, I was always ahead
and my IQ of 151 is well above average
this is because I’m a stubborn asshole, an antisocial who has always lived in her bubble, and
so even as a child I didn’t study as my teacher wanted, but I followed my ideas and my mental schemes to understand things my own way
but I’m still dyslexic, my brain works differently, it works for images
recent researches using MRI studies have shown how a dyslexic brain works
compared to a typical brain, i.e.:
if you say the word “apple” to a neurotypical person, the left side of the brain is immediately activated. this contains the semantics of the language, the meaning of the word “apple” and all the information
connected to it
right after that, the left hemisphere of the brain communicates with the right hemisphere and goes straight to open the file of the apple image
the dyslexic brain, on the other hand, works the other way around
this means that if you say the word “apple” to the dyslexic, the right hemisphere of the brain is immediately activated and starts looking for an image of an apple and if it finds it, the right hemisphere
clicks the button and speaks with the left hemisphere which opens the file of the meaning of the word “apple” and all the notions connected to it
yes, I know… you also saw the image of an apple when you read the word “apple” straight away
it’s normal
everything works in nanoseconds so you cannot notice this difference, if not in
laboratory
but what does it mean if a brain works for images or for
meanings?
it means that if I – dyslexic – do not know the image of an apple it will be very difficult for me,
if not impossible, to match it with the meaning of the word “apple”
and there are many many many words that do not have an image to match to them, including :
nouns, pronouns, many verbs, conjunctions…. many words that you actually learn at school
the dyslexic brain is no dumber than the neurotypical
it just runs on different tracks, with a different path, but, rightly so, the school system is designed and based on neurotypicals and not on dyslexics or all the others neurodivergents, because they are only a small percentage hanging around 4-6%
what the hell does this have to do with me and my tattoos?
It has a lot to do with it
I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I CAN’T SEE
and how do I draw what I can’t understand?
how can I draw a phoenix that doesn’t exist in nature and I have never seen one?
I can’t do it, I can’t do it
what about a mermaid? the same
yes… I’ve seen them on google and also in cartoons, but I’ve never seen them live, I never
experienced them, my brain cannot really understand what the hell a phoenix could look like
and reading its meaning on wikipedia doesn’t help the cause, the two hemispheres don’t communicate
if they don’t have the right bridge that connects them
so why don’t I accept all the projects that people ask me to do?
why are there stories that can ignite images to me and therefore their meanings and instead, why are there stories, albeit beautiful, that just don’t ignite anything to me?
because I’m dyslexic
my brain works this way and I love very much my brain and I respect very much my job
and so no, I don’t accept all the projects
I could easily draw some crap for a story I don’t understand, but it wouldn’t be
a true drawing, felt, understood, interpreted
it would be nothing, it would just be random lines
I could not ignite sparks in your life
I could not create a drawing with a soul, that overwhelms your emotions
I could not do what I love to do and I know I can do well
so I don’t do it and I say no to the stories that unfortunately, for some cerebral reason, fail
to make my two hemispheres communicate
with love, but always irriverent
