{"id":34810,"date":"2024-01-10T17:36:43","date_gmt":"2024-01-10T16:36:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.unaltroblog.it\/?p=34810"},"modified":"2025-08-21T01:42:45","modified_gmt":"2025-08-20T23:42:45","slug":"i-have-cancer-and-i-live-grow-change-love-and-have-fun","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unaltroblog.it\/en\/home-en\/i-have-cancer-and-i-live-grow-change-love-and-have-fun\/","title":{"rendered":"I HAVE CANCER and I live, grow, change, love, and have fun"},"content":{"rendered":"
words stolen from the pages of Beppe, the Lady’s Dear Diary<\/h5>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

38 years old, clinically young<\/strong>
\n\n\n\tbreast cancer prevention starts in two years<\/span>
\nvegan for 18 years
\nI don’t smoke, I’ve never done drugs in my life
\nI live on the crest of a hill, little smog, little stress
\nin love
\nhappy<\/p>\n

in short, if I had to bet, I would never have bet on myself, sealed envelope, I wasn’t the ideal candidate at all<\/p>\n\n\n\tand yet: I have cancer<\/span>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

it’s August<\/strong><\/h4>\n

for a couple of weeks, I’ve been back from London with the new pain relief treatment for fibromyalgia
\nmy body is adjusting to the medication
\ndamn, I’ve been reborn
\nI live in a world of pink glitter and rainbows and unicorns
\nthe swelling of inflammation is decreasing, I’m losing weight, and my breasts are growing ^_^<\/strong>
\nI no longer have the sharp pain in my forearms, they’re no longer blocks of marble, absurd, the muscles are soft, I breathe, I can go for a walk without fearing the aftermath<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

in short, the side effects of a treatment, for once, are beautiful, and the medication is effective, if this is what I have to do for life to feel well… \n\n\tdamn, it could have been worse, right?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
________________________________________<\/strong><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

it’s September<\/strong><\/h4>\n

the exhibition didn’t go as I would have liked it to, and if I want things to go somewhat in the right direction, I have to put a lot into it in this remaining month, however, little Gilda [the dog] has been unwell; I am terrified
\nshe has become tetraplegic, hanging in the balance, and we are with her<\/p>\n

I have settled in with the new pain relief therapy; at least, that helps me. the swelling in the breast, though, has persisted, perhaps it’s better if I move up the appointment with the gynecologist just to be cautious, so I can also talk to him about endometriosis<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
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<\/div>\n
\n
________________________________________<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n
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\n
\n

friday, October 20th<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\tthere’s something I would like to remember about the breast examination:<\/span>\n

as soon as I entered the room and started undressing, the head nurse saw the tattoos and put 1+1 together with the name, immediately recalling, “You’re the tattoo artist who filled our wards with drawings during the Covid<\/a> period!”<\/strong> and so, the doctor and the nurse in turn remembered the initiative, and we talked about those smiles and those moments ^_^<\/p>\n\n\n\tit’s beautiful<\/span>\n

it’s beautiful to know, after years, that the initiative was truly appreciated, that I brought a smile in a dark moment, that I managed to embrace thousands of people for a moment, and they still remember it, 3 years later<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/h6>\n
\n
[After the bone marrow biopsy – with the diagnosis in hand – the last hair wash]<\/h6>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

thursday, October 26th<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\tthe words ‘defeat, fight, warrior’ to talk about cancer don’t appeal to me<\/span>\n

if it were an external pathogen, I would understand more, as it was with Covid<\/a>
\nin the case of cancer, however, there is no ongoing war,<\/strong> the immune system doesn’t recognize cancer cells as evil because they are part of the body, generated by it. it’s not an external enemy that has breached the walls to conquer the fortress<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it’s not even a betrayal<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\n\tthe tumor is just a wrong turn<\/span>
\nit’s like waking up hungry at night and going to the bathroom instead of the kitchen, opening the cabinet above the toilet instead of the fridge, and starting to eat soaps, creams, and cotton swabs, making a mess<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

but it doesn’t mean you’re bad<\/strong><\/p>\n

you’re just hungry and in the bathroom
\nyou just took the wrong path because you’re half asleep<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\tI care about my body, and I want to help it get out of the bathroom and find the way to the kitchen.<br \/>\nin the meantime, let’s also clean up the mess in the bathroom<\/span>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/form>\n\n
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________________________________________<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/form>\n <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

I am very calm and clear; the diagnosis did not shake me<\/strong><\/p>\n

when I entered the ward, the doctor led me a little embarrassed towards the office with the desk and comfortable chairs: I think having the responsibility to deliver such news is never an easy task<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I looked at her, smiled
\n\n\n\t“A., there’s nothing strange about what you have to tell me, illness is a normal part of life, and I am very calm. you can speak freely.”<\/span>
\nand she took a breath, smiled, and we started talking about dreams and plans, things to do<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

we immediately did two tests at six in the evening and scheduled another for tomorrow<\/p>\n

on Monday, the Grand Council of Wizards of Hogwarts Oncology will meet,<\/strong> and they will also discuss my case: the screening phase has begun to understand everything we can, who we are dealing with, and how to treat it<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\tit’s a rare, aggressive, and very fast breast cancer, one of those less known, with fewer drugs available<\/span>\n

it’s at least stage three<\/strong>
\nI say “at least” because I have to anticipate this possibility until the tests say yes or no, but I don’t want to have this idea in my head right now<\/p>\n

stage three means you can still try;<\/strong> stage four, on the other hand, means you’re not playing to try to win but to keep playing for as long as possible<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
________________________________________<\/strong><\/div>\n
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\n

tuesday, October 31st<\/strong><\/h4>\n

I shared the news with close friends, the nightclub family, and classmates<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n\n\tand in the name of old times, I unearthed the burned CDs with all the ’90s and 2000s compilations:<\/span> in these days, driving like a spinning top between one doctor and another, I’m dancing like a crazy sixteen-year-old: movies from all my past lives flash through my mind, and I’m just laughing so much!!!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
[Before the diagnosis – telling the friend – remembering the 2000s]<\/h6>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\n\tI asked everyone to tell me what they would like to do to be happy together with me:<\/span> sometimes you think you know, but you take for granted that on the other side is a person who is not you and always has something different in mind than you do<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the news shocks everyone,<\/strong> but what shocks them even more is the fact that I am so happy and serene, and that I worry about being happy and making them happy<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\tI truly think that the most beautiful and joyful period of my life has begun<\/span>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"\"\"<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

<\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

thursday, November 2nd<\/h4>\n

today, the first oncology visit:<\/strong>
\n\n\n\tI have 6 months of chemotherapy ahead, then surgery, followed by radiotherapy and more chemotherapy<\/span><\/p>\n

this is regardless of what the brain CT and the total body PET will tell me: the two exams that will reveal if we are really in the third stage or if the door to the fourth stage has also opened<\/p>\n

the purpose of the therapy may change based on the results, and therefore the types of drugs may change, but the process remains the same<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

friday, November 3rd<\/h4>\n

today, I talked on the phone for an hour with V.
\nan hour, on the phone, me: absurd<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

this phone call did me a lot of good<\/p>\n

\n\n\tI found a support that gives me security,<\/span> like a hug that knows everything, and V. found in me many good vibes, the right attitude<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

 <\/p>\n

we envisioned how the time I’ll spend in therapy will be:<\/strong> I can already see myself holding court with everyone, creating the circle of “marafone” [a card’s game]<\/em>, messing with the heads of patients and nurses… oh my, so many stories to listen to!!! So many people and lives I will get to know<\/p>\n\n\n\tI can’t change the initial fact, but I can make it worthwhile, not make it a punishment<\/span>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n
\n
\n
\n

sunday, November 12th<\/h4>\n

\n\n\tperhaps this carousel is spinning too fast for me to understand how I feel<\/span>
\nI know what I think, but I don’t know how I feel about it<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it’s a very fast carousel ride
\nI am clear-headed and calm, but everything is happening very quickly<\/p>\n

I am tossed right and left between tests,<\/strong> medical visits, consultations, bureaucracies, installations of medical devices, dressings, phone calls, emails, information to search for, information to receive, reports to understand, appointments to keep, accountant, lawyer, bank, insurance, forensic doctor, friends, relatives, mom, husband<\/p>\n\n\n\tme<\/span>\n

too fast to understand where I am<\/p>\n

lunches, meetings, exams, visits, documents, interviews, signatures, esthetician, eyebrows, hairdresser, class dinner, photographer, work, oncologist<\/p>\n

oncologist<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I like my oncologist; she is strict, focused, I need that. but she has kind eyes
\ntoday is Sunday. tomorrow, I have the PET scan. the famous PET scan. the feared PET scan.<\/p>\n

\n\n\tam I scared? I don’t know. what am I afraid of, anyway?<\/span>
\nI am claustrophobic, I fear enclosed spaces. I suffer from vertigo, I fear heights…but can you exactly be afraid of an illness?<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\tI don’t know if it’s fear… mainly, I don’t want to cause distress in others<\/span>\n

I don’t even know how to describe this thing, but it’s the only thing I think about: how do I tell others now?<\/strong> How do I not make them feel bad? How do I help them feel good?<\/p>\n

when little Gilda [the dog]<\/em> was unwell this summer, and we didn’t know what would happen to her, how was I? how do you feel when you fear losing something you know you can’t replace?<\/p>\n

how do you handle that fear?<\/strong>
\n\n\n\tI still don’t know, but I have time to figure it out…<\/span><\/p>\n

meanwhile, in a week or so, I should start chemotherapy, and it’s not exactly something I’m eagerly looking forward to…<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\"\"<\/div>\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
[Photo shoot – the clinic – chemotherapy starts tomorrow]<\/h6>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

monday, November 13, 2023 – Letter delivered to nuclear medicine along with many silly stickers:<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

for Davide<\/strong>, the beer pong wizard: It’s true I had the drops, but you didn’t leave me for a moment, so my claustrophobia behaved well
\nfor Francesca,<\/strong> born on April 14, who was even shyer as a child than now, and I think you will always be less so: you deserve a bit of irreverence, I know
\nfor the blonde and curly nurse<\/strong> who has endured an Aries since she was 6 years old: saintly patience! but maybe your secret is the smile: who can break in the face of that?
\nfor the receptionist<\/strong> who loves red, and rightly so! because it’s as immense as you. you have a modern and tidy handwriting, like a teenager but with experience: even from there, it’s clear you love city life
\nfor the doctor<\/strong>, beautiful, light, so calm and patient: I wish I had that tranquility
\nfor the technician<\/strong> who let me in through the first glass door and greeted me when I was closing the last one, saying, “How are you, everything okay?” a kind teddy
\nfor the girl with the ponytail<\/strong> who was about to go up to clean the stairs and sweeps the sidewalk every morning at home with clips in her hair like little girls: how beautiful to remain children even when grown-ups!
\nif you want, one is also for the nurse on the other side of the landing, whom we all want to see smile:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\n\tTHANKS, you made my day<\/span><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

it was an important day for me today<\/strong>
\nnow, on a sheet of paper circulating somewhere, something about me is written that decides my near and distant future, whatever is written there\n\n\tfor you, it was just another workday; for me, it was the day that decides all the other days, and I’m happy to have spent it with you<\/span><\/p>\n

you made it a golden memory<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n
\n
\n
\n

tuesday, November 14<\/h4>\n\n\n\tyesterday I had this famous PET scan<\/span>\n

I underwent a new examination I knew nothing about, discovered another part of the world, and I am also discovering new parts of myself that I had never tested, that I had never had the opportunity to know<\/p>\n

and it’s interesting; it’s a new journey<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\n\tI live, and in the meantime, I know and learn and grow and change and love and have fun<\/span>
\na diagnosis doesn’t change this
\nit may change how, perhaps, but it doesn’t change that I live and learn and grow and change and love and have fun<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
[First oncology visit – Brain CT scan – drops, my best friend]<\/h6>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
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\n

 <\/p>\n

wednesday, November 15<\/h4>\n

who knows if I’m ready<\/strong>
\nwho knows if my body is ready<\/strong>
\nwho knows if He is ready<\/strong><\/p>\n

I often ask myself in these days and look at myself in the mirror with tenderness<\/p>\n

\n\n\tknowing that I am about to deliberately and slowly start killing my body destroys my soul:<\/span> I know it’s right to take care of myself, but the thought that to do so I have to slowly kill myself invades my mind[\/eltdf_highlight]<\/p>\n

I should see chemotherapy as a renewal
\n<\/strong>
\nlike when you prune the branches of a tree to make it grow better, stronger, with more flowers and more fruits, and you cut away the dry branches, but you also cut away many fresh, green branches, just made, brand new this year<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\n\tand chemo kills cells, many, not only the cancerous ones but also the healthy ones,<\/span> to create space and then make them grow again, hopefully better, hopefully stronger, but it’s not certain, quite the opposite<\/p>\n

chemotherapy is carcinogenic<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\tchemotherapy is the only thing that can mess up the cell division systems of crazy tumor cells, but it can make other cells go crazy in the meantime<\/span>\n

it all depends on staying within the right boundaries<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I start the therapy on Friday, the day after tomorrow,<\/strong> and I found out today by chance while at the clinic talking to C. about the charity projects we are setting up connected to this new reality of mine<\/p>\n\n\n\tthe news stunned me for a moment<\/span>\n

who knows if I’m ready<\/strong>
\nwho knows if my body is ready<\/strong>
\nwho knows if He is ready<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
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\n

thursday, November 16<\/h4>\n\n\n\ttoday, oncologist: the PET scan went well only halfway<\/span>\n

because there is no evidence of distant metastases, the tumor has not spread to other organs, but it’s not only in the armpits, there are other metastases in the lymphatic system<\/p>\n

in short, we call it an advanced third stage, and we start playing our game to try to win it, not just to keep playing<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

and it’s good news!!
\nof course, it could have been better, but it could have been worse<\/p>\n

tomorrow, I start chemotherapy. tomorrow. on Friday the 17th. \n\n\tthat “Neither of Venus nor of Mars, neither does it begin nor does it depart,” and I’m doing it on Friday the 17th<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n

 <\/p>\n

“I am a woman
\nand
\na poem.”<\/p>\n

a randomly opened poem in the book “Salt.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
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\"\"<\/div>\n
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[The bed of wonders – the first therapy – the cooling helmet]<\/h6>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
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\n

Telegram, secret group, Lady Sara, [November 17, 2023, 21:39:54]:<\/h4>\n\n\n\thow was my first day of chemo?<\/span>\n

I wanted to close the club myself and liven up their Friday night<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

doctors and nurses were getting bored waiting for 6:00 PM to start the weekend, so I started with a bang! \n\n\tI’ve been barely saved for an allergic reaction to the drug ^_^<\/span><\/p>\n

the first hour with the preparatory drugs went smoothly… AND!!! NEWS!!!! they put the cooling helmet on me<\/strong> to see if I can prevent hair loss or at least minimize it! look how stunning I am, hahaha<\/p>\n

\n\n\tthen we started with the chemotherapy, and within 5 seconds, I had an adverse reaction,<\/span> living one of those Grey’s Anatomy scenes<\/strong> where they draw the curtains around your bed, and 8 doctors and nurses rush to you, doing things and attaching you to those machines that play your heartbeat, and there’s always a doctor calling you by name and saying all those emergency phrases: “Sara, breathe! Sara, I’m here with you. Sara, listen to my voice, breathe, take long breaths.” and with the stethoscope, they listen inside you, maybe to your soul<\/p>\n

I loved him<\/strong> \ud83d\udc96<\/p>\n

it all started with warmth in the chest, and in 5 seconds, I was turning purple,<\/strong> my chest tightened, the throat tightened, not swelling, tightening, as if strangled from within<\/p>\n

the stomach tightened and twisted<\/strong>, strangled by severe cramps and sharp pains, intense nausea
\nheat was raging everywhere,<\/strong> a fire
\nand the arms!!!<\/strong> as if my arms were being struck by lightning!!! legs curled up
\nfiery red eyes, purple face<\/strong>
\nI screamed and then begged, writhed, and then cried<\/p>\n\n\n\tI was clear-headed, I remember everything, saw everything<\/span>\n

they shot something straight into my heart through the venous catheter, and slowly, gradually, I improved; I couldn’t say how long, but it wasn’t fast<\/p>\n

\n\n\tthen I became like a stone, heavy and immobile.<\/span> many doctors arrived<\/strong>. I recovered a couple of hours later, and we decided to try the second scheduled chemotherapy drug, and everything went well, without any issues: so we managed to do something ^_^<\/p>\n

for the rest, everything went very well ^_^<\/strong><\/p>\n

I made some jokes with the young gentlemen over 70 who were in the room with me, \n\n\tand above all, I experienced something new also today,<\/span> something I had never done, something absurd that made me feel the power of life flowing through my tissues,<\/strong> so powerful that it can overturn its entire world if something is not right: ASTONISHING!<\/p>\n

\n\n\tand all that power was inside me,<\/span> already there, dormant but not so much, at attention, ready to help me in five seconds flat: the time of ten drops<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
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saturday, November 18<\/h4>\n

the breast has already changed, now it sways a bit and moves, before it was so firm that it was immobile<\/p>\n\n\n\tit did me good psychologically to experience the allergic reaction to the drug<\/span>\n

my body answered my question:<\/strong>
\n“Will my body be ready to face the therapy?”
\nyes, the answer is YES!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
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\n

\n\n\t“You’re good,”<\/span>\u00a0 the oncologist told me the other day
\n“YOU’RE VEDY GOOD”<\/p>\n

And I was moved, I shed a couple of tears
\nit’s nice to hear it, even if you don’t know if it’s true<\/strong>
\neven if you don’t know why they said it, with what motivations<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
\"\"<\/div>\n
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\n
[the cooling helmet – the famous red chemotherapy – end of therapy]<\/h6>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

saturday, November 25: the day after<\/h4>\n

I’m happy, I have a beautiful light smile on my crimson face due to the cortisone<\/p>\n

nausea last night and cramps, a tumultuous stomach, I move slowly, speak in a hushed and slow manner as if not to disturb myself<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n\n\tin short, I thought the first cycle of therapy would go smoother,<\/span> nothing terrible, mind you! but for the first one, I expected less nausea, fewer cramps
\nin theory, it always gets worse from here, so I was hoping for a softer starting level<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/form>\n\n

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________________________________________<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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thursday, November 30<\/h4>\n\n\n\ttoday is the last day that I’ve tattooed “LIKE ONCE”<\/span>\n

melancholy? a bit
\nstrangeness? not today
\nmaybe it will be nice to split things in two, make one part via video call…<\/p>\n

and perhaps it will be even more beautiful,<\/strong> and I’ll be even happier, and maybe, as happened with Covid, unexpected changes emerge that I would have never imagined and that I wouldn’t want to do without now<\/p>\n

so, it interests me, inspires me, I like it<\/p>\n

however, I need to start thinking about work, do some calculations of appointments and decide when to open the agenda because I think it’s not long now<\/p>\n\n\n\twill I be ready to handle the scoop?<\/span>\n

I need to start figuring out how to manage the news, how to communicate it, when… because I don’t feel like receiving all those messages like:<\/strong> “Yes, but you’ll see, you’re strong, you’ll make it, there’s a fight, but you’re a rock.”<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

these phrases are annoying<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\tthey load you with enormous responsibilities, and you have no idea if you’ll measure up<\/span>\n

I just want to enjoy living the moments of hidden happiness along the way
\nthere’s no need to be strong<\/strong>
\nthere’s no need to be warriors or fight
\nI want to savor the happiness or fragility or joy or despair of every moment<\/p>\n

\n\n\teven if there will be crappy days, and the body will be very unwell, I could still be happy in those days<\/span>
\nbecause I am still living and growing and improving and loving and changing<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
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it feels strange to say, “I’m doing chemo”<\/strong>
\nI always call it “therapy”
\nit seems more harsh to say, “I started chemotherapy”<\/p>\n

the same goes for the word “cancer”<\/strong>
\n“I have cancer” seems so harsh and tough as a phrase
\n“I have a tumor” I like more; it’s a softer word<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

maybe it’s true that the “C” makes the words harsher, but I don’t think it’s just a matter of phonetics, \n\n\tperhaps it bothers me to call things with harsh and dry words because I don’t want to see it as something tough and bitch, mean<\/span><\/p>\n

it is a thing; it’s not a mean thing<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it’s me putting an adjective on it because, fundamentally, it’s just a thing, a fact, then the description of the fact is in my hands<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
\"\"<\/div>\n
\n
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[towards the first therapy – subtle differences]<\/h6>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/form>\n <\/p>\n
\n
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\n

the day on Dec 01, 2023, at 23:57, LadySara info@ladysaratattoo.it<\/a> wrote:<\/h4>\n

Re: update<\/strong><\/p>\n

I’m not upset, not angry, sad, or regretful
\nthere are no “I’m sorry” to choose not to say because there are no “I’m sorry” to think about
\n\n\n\tillness is just something that is part of life: it is a normal thing that happens to those who are alive, not a strange thing to be sorry for<\/span><\/p>\n

so many things have happened to me in life that I had never even considered looking for,<\/strong> and yet, thank God they happened, and I discovered how much beauty they contained, beauty I would never have found<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

imagine that I studied accounting and business economics,<\/strong> I wanted to be a tough and ruthless manager, always on the go with a 24-hour schedule in hand. imagine that I wanted to live in a penthouse in the city center,<\/strong> in a big city like New York, and I hated the mountains. imagine that I never dreamed of getting married,<\/strong> the white dress really gave me hives from an early age, I never even let my Barbies get married!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\tthis is just another thing I would never have gone looking for<\/span>\n

but I’ve learned that I probably never understood a damn thing about what suits me,<\/strong> and I’ve learned very well to find hidden wonders everywhere
\nand have fun living<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

this is just a new thing in my life that creates organizational needs in the most malleable form, but it’s just a thing in life, not a bad thing<\/p>\n

I have found a thousand positive aspects<\/strong> and beautiful people, souls to meet, lives to encounter, dreams to architect, smiles to ignite, sparks to trigger<\/p>\n\n\n\twill there be crappy days? Of course!<br \/>\nwill it be physically demanding? Certainly!<br \/>\nwill there be moments of depression and destruction? Obviously!<\/span>\n

but in life, they are always there, regardless of the cause that creates them,<\/strong> and I will go through them slowly as I go through the good days and moments of joy, and I am sure I will have a lot of fun in the meantime ^_^<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
________________________________________<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
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\n

tuesday, December 5th<\/h4>\n

I can’t go to the gym because I’m immunocompromised… and the treadmill at home is a beautiful thing!!! with Bluetooth speakers, it’s a big party!!!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
________________________________________<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n
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\n

 <\/p>\n

wednesday, December 6th<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\tI took a long time to take a shower because I lost half of the hair from the top center: gone<\/span>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

[When I lost the first hairs, many]<\/h6>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

I kept brushing, and they kept falling<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I didn’t expect it,
\nnot so quickly… WHY DO I STILL HAVE HAIR ON THE REST OF MY BODY, DAMN IT!!!<\/strong>
\nI mean, I’m doing the cap for the hair, right?! … I thought the body hair would fall first, RIGHT?!?!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
________________________________________<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
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saturday, December 9th<\/h4>\n

I had the wig fitting<\/p>\n\n\n\tI hadn’t realized, but my hair falls out in entire locks, just like that, as if nothing, as if they weren’t my own hair: you can pull a strand and detach it, I feel nothing<\/span>\n

 <\/p>\n

I have to shave them tonight<\/strong>
\nDAMN! I wasn’t ready<\/p>\n

I thought of washing them calmly tomorrow, seeing them fall again,<\/strong> but still having some time to prepare myself for it<\/p>\n

I’ve always had natural hair, each curl a whim, wild white streaks, very recognizable, a distinctive sign of social differentiation<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\twho am I without my hair?<\/span>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
\"\"<\/div>\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
[My first wig – thanks IOR]<\/h6>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/form>\n\n

\n
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\n

sunday, December 10th<\/h4>\n

hair shaved to 8mm.<\/p>\n

I thought I would cry a lot.<\/strong> I thought a big emotional earthquake would come, shaking me for a while, a few days of chaos before turning me upside down and recovering<\/p>\n

the lump in my throat was there during the car journey with my husband, silently holding hands
\nI felt it when I saw my sister-in-law outside the hairdresser’s door
\n“today I’ll cry, oh, I’ll cry a lot”<\/strong>
\n“let’s cry together, that’s fine”<\/em> she said, hugging me<\/p>\n

Miranda has a heart of gold<\/strong>
\nshe made me come to the store even though I called her a few hours before, on a Saturday night, after working hours
\n\n\n\tshe hugged me with her heart<\/span><\/p>\n

I sat in the chair, terrified, hands on my face, desperate
\n\n\n\tshe started shaving from behind,<\/span>\u00a0 from the sides, from underneath, and when she got to the front, it was already done, only the final part was left, the one that really shows, the one that changes everything<\/p>\n

“are you ready?” <\/em>
\n“Well, I have to be…”<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\tand when she started shaving the last part, I started laughing<\/span>\n

finally, I saw myself in the mirror, and I was beautiful<\/strong>
\nthere was a precise moment when despair turned into excitement<\/p>\n

I’m incredibly cool; I’m cool anyway, and not in the aesthetic sense of the term
\nI’m even more rock’n’roll than before<\/strong>
\nmy soul is not in my hair; my eyes speak more than before<\/p>\n

\n\n\tit was beautiful<\/span>
\nit was a beautiful moment
\nI left feeling charged and happy, wanting to parade in the square and be seen by everyone<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I never thought I would take it like this; lately, I’m surprising myself a lot<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/form>\n\"\"<\/p>\n
[the Genesis of a Bald Head]<\/h6>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

monday, December 18th<\/h4>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\n
\n

I stopped at the supermarket to buy milk for making the b\u00e9chamel sauce for the Christmas lasagna<\/p>\n

I was in the refrigerated aisle when a woman, never seen before, never known,<\/strong> \n\n\tI don’t know who she is, but she starts talking as if it were normal to strike up a conversation with a stranger:<\/span><\/p>\n

“Sara!”<\/em> in a worried tone, “how are you?”<\/em>
\n“Very well”<\/em> I smile and continue searching for yogurt
\n“I’m Tizia”<\/em>
\n“Yes?”<\/em>
\n“I wrote to you on Instagram…”<\/em> \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Ah! For what? Many people write to me”<\/em> I try to smile and not be rude while continuing to look for yogurt, and she continues talking with this desperate tone…
\n“You know, I wrote to you because we have something in common…” “You know, health-wise…”<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\n\tin short:<\/span> a stranger stops me at the supermarket fridge and talks to me about her tumor and my tumor,<\/strong> asking me private things about my diagnosis, the therapy I’m undergoing, how it’s going, she tells me she couldn’t have the red chemo because she couldn’t stand it, asks me personal clinical details, wants to tell me about her difficulties…<\/p>\n

I’m not your friend
\nYou’re a stranger
\n\n\n\tI was happy at the supermarket buying milk for Christmas lasagna, and I came out stunned<\/span><\/p>\n

I have to learn how to handle these things,<\/strong> to protect myself from these things, which then ruin my mood, and my mood now has a significant impact on the state of my body<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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thursday, December 21st<\/h4>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\ttoday is the tenth day post-therapy, it seems to be the most challenging for the body<\/span>\n

I woke up petrified from fibromyalgia, sunk into the mattress as if I weighed 500kg
\nand it makes sense… because I finished tattooing at 11:30 pm yesterday<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I should do like normal people who, at 8:00 pm, declare: “It’s late, working hours are over, let’s finish another time”<\/em> and yet I love my job, and I pull myself into it because seeing the awesomeness that comes out of my hands makes me happy<\/p>\n

and I don’t know, eh…\n\n\twhether it’s since I started with the new work method split in half or since the diagnosis arrived, but it seems to me that my tattoos are cooler than before<\/span><\/p>\n

objectively: they are cooler than before<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

so I continue to be amazed every day by myself
\nthis disease is putting my self-esteem back in place<\/strong>
\nit seems like I’m starting to see it too, that I have something beautiful to shine<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n<\/form>\n\n

\n
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[Swagger \u2013 4-Year-Old Girls \u2013 Video Call Consultations]<\/h6>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/form>\n <\/p>\n<\/form>\n\n
\n
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thursday, December 28, 2023: The Day After<\/h4>\n\n\n\tI say it quietly because it doesn’t seem real: I feel better than last time, no nausea, not even last night<\/span>\n

maybe because I had the treatment in the afternoon<\/strong> instead of the morning, and I work better in the afternoon? and then the body immediately goes into nighttime detox mode?<\/p>\n

perhaps because my morning routine dedicated to healing is starting to solidify?<\/strong><\/p>\n

working only in the afternoon to have the morning for the healing program: clinical nutrition, breathing exercises, meditation, yoga, treadmill, 8 hours of sleep, journaling, face cream, nail filing, throat rinses… and visits and therapies ^_^<\/p>\n

maybe because I now take the therapy with love and happiness?<\/strong><\/p>\n

maybe I feel really good in that room? I feel affection and find many smiles and people with zest in their eyes, like Grandma Marina or Vasco<\/p>\n

not Vasco Rossi, but they are the same age [71] and he also loves Rock: he entered the treatment room, lay down on his nice bed, and within 5 seconds, he had headphones on his ears and was keeping the beat on the bed rails<\/p>\n

he didn’t even hear the nurse asking him questions: loaded like a mine, music blasting, and rock’n’roll<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n
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Telegram, secret group, Lady Sara, [December 28, 2023, 12:12:04]:<\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n\n\n\tI’m sending you a photo that may initially seem a bit melancholic or heartwarming, but for me, it’s full of affection and sweetness:<\/span>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

\"\"this is the final moment of the therapy when Nurse P. sits crouched at the foot of the bed with me,<\/strong> and we spend fifteen minutes chatting while she slowly injects two bright red medicine torpedoes by hand: the famous red chemotherapy<\/strong><\/p>\n

and we’re there talking about dreams,<\/strong> studies, personality, zodiac signs, talking to Marina: the 82-year-old lady who comes every week for plasma transfusions and is always in a hurry because she lives at home with 3 of her 5 children and has a lot to do<\/p>\n

that Marina has a sparkle in her eyes that you rarely see around<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\n\tnurse P. is also the same one who lies to me every time she puts the first chemotherapy drug on me,<\/span> the one in the IV, because my brain has recorded the pattern of the first day with the allergic reaction: nurse + IV + “okay, let’s go” = allergic shock<\/strong><\/p>\n

and my body starts with warmth, breathlessness, and tachycardia<\/p>\n

but Nurse P. tells me a different nonsense every time, and I never notice<\/strong><\/p>\n

not even yesterday when I needed to pee, and she said: “yeyeyeyeyeyey go, go now, you have half an hour of physiological to do, so go peacefully :)”<\/em><\/p>\n

and indeed, I never do half an hour of physiological, <\/strong>it lasts fifteen minutes, but I didn’t really notice it right away, and peacefully and blissfully, I went to pee with my IV of just-started medication<\/p>\n

\n\n\tthere is a beautiful world to discover beyond the wall of fear,<\/span> and this new experience has unlocked many limits I had installed and has given me the opportunity (or obligation, depending) to open up to many new possibilities<\/strong> that I would never have considered before: it seems like a wonderful thing<\/p>\n

Have a nice day guys
\nLADY<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/form>\n\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

Saturday, December 30th<\/h4>\n\n\n\ttoday I am a bit sad and angry, it’s pissing me off<\/span>\n

can happens from time to time<\/p>\n

immunocompromised and therefore always at home,<\/strong> and not even on New Year’s Eve, because everyone is sick out there, and I really can’t risk getting sick<\/p>\n

and I feel like exploding, I guess<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

because I really wanted to go out, have dinner outside, dance on the restaurant tables, live music, laugh, joke, not think about who you are<\/strong><\/p>\n

I wanted to have fun, put on my black jumpsuit, and the white wig specifically bought for New Year’s Eve<\/p>\n\n\n\tI wanted to feel beautiful and celebrate something<\/span>\n

but no<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
[So much coolness – pre-therapy exams – for New Year’s Eve]<\/h6>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

January 1, 2024<\/h4>\n\n\n\tGood Morning and Happy New Year<\/span>\n

I transcribe my diary
\nwrite the article
\ncheck the shop prices and order confirmation emails
\nedit the photos
\nedit the video of when I cut my hair<\/p>\n

and I go out with the news:<\/strong><\/p>\n

“I have news to share, and there’s no better way and day to say it, so I’ll be as direct as a romantic punch in the stomach, as always:
\nit’s called advanced stage three breast cancer<\/strong> \ud83e\udd70\ud83d\ude80<\/p>\n

a very rare and aggressive type of breast cancer.<\/p>\n

I’m fine<\/strong>
\nphysically and mentally<\/p>\n

I am very calm and clear-headed,<\/strong> I have always seen illness and death as normal things that happen to those who are alive, and they don’t shock me \ud83d\ude43 I have taken the news as an opportunity to be even happier and make my loved ones happy \ud83e\udd70 and to open myself up to changes I would have never considered<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\tI really think one of the happiest, most beautiful, and joy-filled periods of my life has begun. \ud83e\udd70 We will surely have a lot of fun”<\/span>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

THE END.<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/form>\n<\/form>\n <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
[Romantic photos by Francesca Tramonti]<\/h6>\n\n\n\tan infinite blog article, and yet I’ve only told you a small part of what happened in these two months, starting from that sunny October 25 <\/span>\n

but I’ve shared everything I wanted to tell you so that curious ones won’t pester me with repetitive questions
\nso that those who care about me know that I’m doing well<\/strong>
\nso that those who wish me ill can laugh and cheer for karma
\nand so that those who take pleasure in being close to me can do so in a way that uplifts me<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\n\t I wanted to share many more anecdotes to include everyone in this story <\/span> because if these two months have been fantastic, it’s not just thanks to my strange ability to always look at the positive side of things, it’s also thanks to all the people who created these moments with me<\/strong><\/p>\n

I would have liked to dedicate a few lines to each one, so they don’t think they weren’t important<\/p>\n

they were, indeed<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/form>\n <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

[Stunning photos by Francesca Tramonti]<\/h6>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n\n\n\tI wanted to dedicate lines and chapters…<\/span>\n

to the friend who, in sweet silence, continued to post photos on my social media<\/strong> not to raise suspicions and give me time to reorganize my life<\/p>\n

to the nurses who joked with me<\/strong> from the first squirt of ultrasound gel, the first blood draw, the first scalpel<\/p>\n

I was terrified when I had to insert the central venous catheter,<\/strong> spent two nights trying to figure out on the internet why not to, while nurse E. did it in a second, talking to me about poppies<\/p>\n

to the friend I was supposed to tell ten minutes later, sitting at a bar with a drink in hand,<\/strong> but ended up telling on the street as I told my undertaker<\/p>\n

to my undertaker<\/strong> who I met by chance under the arcades in the square and told him the news while giving him directions about my funeral: I want to do it while I’m still alive<\/p>\n

to my night family<\/strong> who organized a fantastic reunion in a nightclub dancing all night for me: I was supposed to be there that night, but I started therapy on Friday instead of Monday<\/p>\n

to the doctors who answered the 3,852 questions I ask per minute<\/strong> because I’m curious as hell, but knowing something about what I’m going through helps me not be afraid<\/p>\n

to the nurse with the secret tattoo on her buttock<\/strong><\/p>\n

to the friends who gave me a thousand different turbans,<\/strong> embracing my heart…and not satisfied, they played with me all afternoon with brightly colored theatrical wigs, like 4-year-old kids<\/p>\n

to the friend who lent me all those wigs,<\/strong> a woman with a full life who freed it up for me in a second, with total nonchalance<\/p>\n

to the doctor who sings scout songs when the going gets tough<\/strong> – and I think on the evening of October 25, before opening the door to give me the diagnosis, she sang them<\/p>\n

to Nurse F. who called himself Edoardo for two weeks,<\/strong> in total tranquility, responding as if it were his name<\/p>\n

and to the other Nurse F. who was the first to lie to me for the brain that records the traumatic event:<\/strong> he pretended to start the drug and walked away, my body started the shock symptoms, and he, very calmly on the other side of the room, told me: “Sara, I didn’t start the drug… I knew this would happen to you”<\/em> I really loved you too<\/p>\n

to my family<\/strong> rich in women who for generations have filled dining rooms with laughter, red lipstick, and Sangiovese<\/p>\n

to the doctor who gave me calming drops<\/strong> to hang around my neck and always carry with me because otherwise, there’s no way I’m getting into those hellish tubes called magnetic resonances or the like<\/p>\n

to the friends I told on WhatsApp<\/strong> who drank to me, ate cookies for me, and cried while laughing because they didn’t understand a damn thing: well, I’m as happy as hell in this period, it confuses a bit<\/p>\n

to the MRI technician<\/strong> who made me feel cool even dressed in a transparent blue gown, black panties, white socks, and pink shoe covers, high on drops<\/p>\n

to my Mom,<\/strong> who I told everything with a smile, so she really understood the news only three days later because it seems like I’m telling her what I did on Sunday, not that I have advanced-stage cancer<\/p>\n

to my Dad,<\/strong> who always remains as stable as a rock and doesn’t let me fall anywhere, but hugs me more lately<\/p>\n

to the emergency room nurse<\/strong> who saw me arrive terrified of making a mess with a shot not shaped like a shot, but more like a dildo, I mean, a dildo – and then we spent Saturday night together with doctors talking about psychiatric illnesses and homemade distilled spirits<\/p>\n

to the cardiologist whose eyes sparkled as we watched my heart beat together<\/strong> and I was amazed by life like a 4-year-old child, but I watched a golden, white, and fluorescent yellow wave twirl with my heartbeat as if it were a battle drum: it seemed like witnessing the miracle of life<\/p>\n

to all the clients in these months<\/strong> who never made me feel sick, but always precious, and who embraced my need to change the cards on the table, and in the end, we discovered together that it’s even better than before<\/p>\n

to the friend I told while waiting for Pakistani lunch:<\/strong> always silent and mysterious, but I think he uttered only 8 words in the next two hours, then he wrote to me every week to remind me that I’m fantastic<\/p>\n

to the tattoo artists<\/strong> to whom I asked: let’s open a big tattoo studio together? and they replied: let’s talk about it!<\/p>\n

to the dermopigmentist<\/strong> who gave me a night appointment to tattoo my eyebrows before starting chemotherapy or I wouldn’t have been able to tattoo them anymore<\/p>\n

to my classmate,<\/strong> also an insurance agent, to whom I told among the first, very bluntly, and he had just returned from his honeymoon<\/p>\n

and to my classmate to whom I told among the first, because – I didn’t even know – but she knows everything about this world<\/p>\n

and both still kept the secret while in the class chat<\/strong>, I had set up a betting pool on who guessed the big news I would tell them at the class dinner, 15 days later<\/p>\n

to friends who, instead of saying “I’m sorry,” reacted by sending me poems by GioEvan,<\/strong> photos of flowers in the garden, photos of cities at night illuminated in gold, Zelig videos, Bon Jovi songs, photos of cookie packages, memories of life together, or the ultrasound of a new life that is being created<\/p>\n

to the nurses who decorated the therapy room<\/strong> and their blue uniforms with my new set of irreverent stickers full of pinkish middle fingers in all sauces<\/p>\n\n\n\t to my husband, who I wouldn’t even know where to start talking about because he deserves a book just for him. <\/span>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/form>\n <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

[me]<\/h6>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

\n\n\tI have decided to make my physical condition public because I have always done so in the past<\/span> and sharing what happens to me has always given me the opportunity to do something beautiful,<\/strong> to make my situation useful in some way, even if it’s something small<\/p>\n

from day zero, I thought about the economic side of this story<\/strong> because as an Italian businesswoman with a VAT number, these are things you have to think about quickly, as you don’t have the protection of an employment contract, and if you don’t take care of yourself, you find yourself living under a bridge, and with cancer<\/p>\n\n\n\tthis is the only really big concern I have<\/span>\n

I know I am intelligent and have a lot of cross-functional skills; tattooing is certainly not the only thing I know how to do, but it is definitely the only thing I have always used to pay the bills<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Will changes be necessary?<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\n\tcertainly, for this summer, there is a long technical stop from tattoos<\/span> but until then, I want to continue tattooing<\/a> because it truly makes me happy to sneak into your lives. as long as I can do it with the right energy, I want to find a way to do it ^_^<\/p>\n

then there’s my SHOP’n’ROCK<\/a>, which for the first time since its inception will NOT aim to raise funds for charitable organizations: this time the support is directed to me ^_^<\/strong>
\ncovering the world with the colors of my paintings<\/a> and with the FANCULO t-shirts<\/a> that do good to the soul like never before<\/p>\n

\n\n\tfrom day zero, however, I have also been active in designing fundraising projects related to this new reality of mine,<\/span> projects that we are still creating together with the clinic that is treating me, romantic and rock projects together, projects that can make even a cancer diagnosis useful<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\n\tStrange, huh?<\/span> that from day zero when I opened my VAT number 12 years ago, I have organized charity events<\/a> every year for the same clinic that is now treating me?<\/strong> Especially on October 15: World Breast Cancer Day
\neven though I have neither relatives nor friends nor acquaintances with an oncological history, I have always wanted to support this clinic<\/p>\n\n\n\t<strong>life is absurd, huh?<\/strong><\/span>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

MORAL OF THE STORY?<\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n\n\n\tI am not happy to have cancer, obviously, but I am happy about what I can do now that I have it<\/span>\n

What can I do?
\nmany things for sure, like having fun with it<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

With love, but always irreverent<\/p>\n

L A D Y S A R A<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/form>\n\n

\n
\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/form>\n <\/p>\n<\/form>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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