{"id":11027,"date":"2020-05-16T00:36:06","date_gmt":"2020-05-15T22:36:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ladysaratattoo.it\/blog\/uncategorized\/sono-stata-covid-positiva\/"},"modified":"2023-11-06T12:11:27","modified_gmt":"2023-11-06T11:11:27","slug":"sono-stata-covid-positiva","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unaltroblog.it\/en\/tattoo-blog-en\/lady-life-style-en\/sono-stata-covid-positiva\/","title":{"rendered":"I ‘ VE BEEN COVID POSITIVE"},"content":{"rendered":"

the following thoughts are extracted from Beppe,\u2028<\/b><\/p>\n

the Dear Diary of a person who tested positive to COVID <\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the day before, when I was checking the number of the infected, I told myself:<\/p>\n

“THERE ARE<\/b> 53,000 positive cases…”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the day after, when I checked the numbers again, I told myself<\/p>\n

\u201cWE ARE\u00a0<\/span><\/b> the 59,000 positive cases…”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

COVID positive, here I am<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

I spent so much time thinking about writing this article or not and \u2014once I finished it\u2014 I thought a lot about getting it published or not and I\u2019m still thinking about it<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

telling a story as personal as this one could have many implications and I feel so weak now that I can’t endure any other psychological pressure<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

who knows if I\u2019ll ever have the courage to get this article published?<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

on the other hand, I also thought that this story would somehow come out of the closet sooner or later and the rumours are always worse than the real facts, so…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I thought that my story could help someone to feel understood<\/i> or even to help someone understand that we are all under<\/i> the same boat<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

for sure being in touch with people who were on my same boat helped me not to feel lost and crazy, that\u2019s why I hope that this article will reach those who feel like I <\/i>did, and it will <\/i>help them not to feel lost<\/i> a<\/i>nd crazy<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

for sure I wish it were easier\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

how did I get COVID-19?<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

the first thing everyone asked me was “how the hell did you get the virus if you live on a mountain far from the rest of the world?”<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it happened in the same way as for all the other people: by living<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it was March 3, 2020<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

the virus had been in Italy for a couple of weeks already and in Romagna people still didn’t talk about it so much, there were only 400 positive cases in the whole region<\/i> and no restrictive measures\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

that Tuesday night I took part in a meeting for a charitable organization\u00a0we were planning a big fundraising event and that very night we decided to cancel the event, even if it would occur a couple of months later, even if none of us knew that the virus would become a pandemic<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

that would be our last meeting<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

and it was enough<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

almost each one of the participants left the room infected<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

March 22, 2020, the day of my thirty-fifth birthday<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

last night I got a call from the hospital and I received the news: the swab was positive<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I won’t say that I didn’t expect it, the symptoms were clear, but hope is always the last thing to die and \u2014in that moment\u2014 it died on the spot<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it was a sharp blow<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

today when I woke up in the morning, I found a bouquet of daisies on the bedside table that my husband picked up from our garden and I also found an email in which I was notified of the forced quarantine<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

my data were given to the authorities<\/p>\n

basically, I\u2019m officially under house arrest<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Beppe, I don’t know how you felt about it, but I wasn’t ready<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was in quarantine for two weeks already and I had no intention of going out, NOT AT ALL!<\/p>\n

but receiving an official order from of the police is psychologically heart-breaking<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

despite that, I tried to keep smiling ^_^ it\u2019s my birthday today!<\/i><\/p>\n

I wore elegant clothes: a white blouse with a gold sequin collar, I even put some mascara on ^ _ ^<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I took a bath yesterday so that I could have more energy today<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

today I have to and I want to smile<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

most of my family doesn’t know that I’m sick<\/p>\n

it’s useless to make people worry, I already have trouble sleeping at night, there’s no need to make other people feel sad<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

that’s why I decided not to say anything to my friends and family<\/p>\n

I only told it to my mum<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

because mothers are always there to listen, and especially during this illness I needed her hug, even if this time would only be a virtual one<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

so today I want to smile and drink a toast on Skype with my beloved ones<\/p>\n

I want to pretend that everything is all right, at least for one hour<\/p>\n

although with every step I take, my body reminds me that I’m sick<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

we set the table outside<\/i><\/p>\n

I didn’t have 35 birthday candles, so we filled the table with 35 regular candles and coloured candle holders<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I felt happy, for a while<\/i><\/p>\n

I hid the febrile red cheeks with last week’s tan<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

9:18 PM<\/b><\/h3>\n

after lunch, after the Skype call, the party was over<\/p>\n

in my head there were only black clouds and anxiety<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I just realized that I might have infected someone<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I only met one person since I became contagious, after two days of incubation, before entering the voluntary quarantine<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

only one person<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I realized that I might have infected someone<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I realized that I nearly inflected my whole family: I greeted them unconsciously only a few hours before becoming contagious, maybe only a few minutes<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

March 22, 2020, my 35th birthday: I will remember this day as the worst day<\/b> of all my quarantine\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

maybe the worst of the year, of my whole life, I still don’t know<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

my panic attacks started<\/i><\/p>\n

and I was already<\/i> infected with a virus affecting the lungs and creating dyspnea \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had a severe dyspnea<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had inflammation in the lungs, I took the deepest breaths ever<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

yet no air entered<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

filling the chest with air became an obsession<\/p>\n

it expanded a lot<\/p>\n

I didn’t think my ribcage could dilate so much<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

EVEN SO, NO AIR ENTERED!!!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was breathing, but the air didn’t enter…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

and I didn’t know where to go looking for it<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I ran outside<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

luckily, it was cold.
\nSnow was about to come, and I could feel the cold air entering my body<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

more than before<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

but not enough<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was breathing with my mouth wide open<\/p>\n

with my lungs growing larger<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

yet I felt I had a sort of a cap on my mouth and the air did not enter<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it did not enter<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

it was like breathing with a pillow or a plastic bag on your face<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was so desperate that I started crying, I don’t know how happened, but I certainly wasn’t thinking about anything, I only wanted the air to get in<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

luckily, there’s plenty of it in the world <\/i>and it was cold outside<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

my husband was scared to death \u2014helplessness terrifies more than action\u2014 but he was close to me and he could hug me, he could help me with the breathing rhythm<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I started breathing in small doses and I could always breathe a bit more<\/p>\n

to go back to normal, my new normal\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it’s a heart-breaking swing, with full and half-full breaths<\/p>\n

however, even the full ones are never completely full<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

a swing of sudden tears and constant anxiety<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

when I wake up in the morning, I have thirty seconds of half-sleep in which I feel happy, relaxed and it feels like an ordinary day. An ordinary day, before March 2020<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

then, in no time, my conscience wakes up and anxiety immediately pervades each fiber of my body. Then, tachycardia, shortness of breath, dyspnea and coughing take over…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it’s been like this for three weeks already<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

March 27, 2020<\/b><\/h3>\n

it’s Friday and I didn’t have fever for 4 days<\/p>\n

36.8\u00b0C, which is already a relief<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I still have cough and dyspnea though<\/p>\n

but the fever went down<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

this is about to end<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

two more days without fever and I can do a new swab to check if I’m healed ^ _ ^<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

during the days, I find some moments of light heartedness in which I can slowly produce something<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I try to come up with ideas<\/i><\/p>\n

in these last weeks, I’ve been only able to cry and to fall into deep sleeps<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’m tired<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

my body is fighting and I have to stay still so as not to distract it. The hours go by fast and I’m not doing anything<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

but I can think<\/p>\n

I can try to dream ^ _ ^<\/p>\n

in this way my dreams multiply, but they’re hidden in a drawer<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can’t stand seeing myself so powerless<\/i><\/p>\n

being unable to do anything<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

a thousand projects and zero energy<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I think about the future, when the padlocks will open again, how life will look like after all this and I don’t find a positive thought, I can’t find a positive idea of how the “after” is going to be like<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it’s Monday, it’s 2.30 PM<\/b><\/h3>\n

and I just came home, I went on a trip to the hospital<\/i><\/p>\n

just to find out if I am ahead or he is<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

just to stare at those white walls for some time before I could hear the following words coming from a stranger’s mouth<\/p>\n

“Sara, you’re fine, the X-rays show no substantial damage, you can go back home”<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

On Saturday, fever returned: 37.1\u00b0C<\/p>\n

yesterday I had 37.2\u00b0C<\/p>\n

today I have 37.3\u00b0C<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the bitch is back<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the task force doctors came to visit me at home<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

they were dressed as in the American sci-fi movies<\/p>\n

I didn’t think they were true<\/i><\/p>\n

you never think that what you see in the movies is true, like those yellow school buses in the US or the milk vans with no door<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

instead, it’s all true<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

they took nearly fifteen minutes to get dressed, to be able to visit me hoping not to get infected<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

they wore three pairs of gloves, overalls that covered them from the neck to the ankles, boots, caps, two masks and a giant plastic visor going all around their faces<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I couldn’t see anything else than their eyes<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

on the plastic visor, I spotted the Italian flag and the caption FORZA RAGAZZI, <\/i>which literally means YOU CAN DO IT, GUYS<\/i><\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

I didn’t notice it at the beginning<\/i><\/p>\n

I saw it when the doctor came closer to me to count my heart beats<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

she warned me before getting closer\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

as if to ask for my permission, as if to tell me not to get too close, as well<\/p>\n

but her look was full of affection<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I kept smiling<\/i><\/p>\n

I wouldn’t want her to be there for me<\/p>\n

I wouldn’t want anybody to worry about me<\/p>\n

I wouldn’t want to be a burden on anyone<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

but I couldn’t even go food shopping, and I’ve been lucky enough to have some sweet volunteers bringing groceries here, people who are risking getting sick only for bringing food to a sick woman<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

what a terrible thing to be powerless\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

during the 60 seconds in which the doctor’s hand was touching my chest to count my heartbeats, I kept observing that caption saying FORZA RAGAZZI \u2014YOU CAN DO IT, GUYS and I was so moved<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’ve been crying a lot in these days<\/p>\n

even when I don’t think about anything, I just cry<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I think it’s due to the fact that I’m breathing this air full of sadness all around the world…<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

anyway, Dear Beppe<\/p>\n

the heart beats are a bit accelerated, the oxygen saturation seems okay, but something wasn\u2019t okay<\/p>\n

fever was not okay<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was urgently taken to the hospital for a chest X-ray<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it’s better to do a check-up,<\/i> they said<\/p>\n

I knew that a young body could fight the symptoms of the virus better, that it could resist the attack longer<\/p>\n

but if the city wall fell, everything else would fall, because all the soldiers would gradually have been sent to the front<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

(quote in the photo: let\u2019s try it today\u2026 you never know … maybe it’s the right day.)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Friday, April 3, 2020<\/b><\/h3>\n

this day should have been the last day of quarantine for the whole country, as per administrative order<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

but it wasn’t the case<\/i><\/p>\n

it seemed that Italy would remain paralyzed until May\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

today was supposed to be my last day of forced quarantine, the last day under house arrest,
\nbasically, I would have been able to go to the supermarket to buy groceries<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

but it wasn’t the case<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was getting better, then the fever came back<\/p>\n

Saturday: 37.1\u00b0C<\/p>\n

Monday: 37.3\u00b0C<\/p>\n

Wednesday: 37.5\u00b0C<\/p>\n

Thursday: 37.7\u00b0C<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

what a disaster<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I went back to the start<\/p>\n

once again, I went back to doing nothing, not even with my head…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

three days later:<\/b><\/h3>\n

it’s Monday, the fever increased again, the oxygen saturation decreased<\/p>\n

today the visit from the doctors of the task force was worse than last week’s<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

an ambulance came to pick me up, to bring me to the hospital and do other check-ups<\/p>\n

they told me to bring some clothes with me as I might not be able to come back home<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I cried while getting ready: I was scared<\/i><\/p>\n

I didn’t even manage to call my mom\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

but am I really scared?<\/p>\n

what am I scared of?<\/p>\n

I’m not afraid of dying, I guess…<\/p>\n

am I afraid of suffering? am I really afraid of dying???<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the truth is\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’m afraid of making OTHERS suffer for me<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

now I get it<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I still feel guilty for that time, four years ago, when I killed an earthworm by mistake<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want anybody to suffer<\/p>\n

and my husband was worried, indeed<\/p>\n

my mom was worried<\/p>\n

the doctors were worried<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

and I could hurt someone, just by breathing close to<\/i> them<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

it’s terrifying<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

generally, I’m the one reassuring, the one cuddling, the one colouring the others… the one making them feel better, the one transforming a bad memory into a good one<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’m not the one making other people worry<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I don’t want to be the one making other people feel bad<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

two more days later<\/b><\/h3>\n

it’s Wednesday<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’m staring at the white wall of the hospital, while I wait for the exam result that could change the upcoming hours or even my entire life<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I stare at a white wall<\/i><\/p>\n

I try to read, but come on, nobody will buy it, I can’t read anything<\/p>\n

I applied the oximeter to my finger and I \u2018m relieved for a while, it marks 99 and I understand that everything is okay<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m waiting<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

in ten days, I went to the hospital three times<\/p>\n

I <\/i>hope<\/i> that would be the last time<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’m young, I’m 35, I enjoy walking in the garden with the oximeter on my finger, I also enjoy my pills-based breakfast<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’ve been painting my nails for weeks, but not the index finger of the right hand, that one remained free for my new travel buddy: the oximeter<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can say I’m doing fine<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

even if every day is a swing, my dear Beppe<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

for a day or two the fever decreased, I had around 37\u00b0C and I felt happy, because I finally started noticing some improvement<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the next day I woke up happy and optimistic, in a good mood!<\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I said to myself “now I’ll get up and I’ll do some work on my laptop, let’s do this!”<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I got up, took the thermometer: it showed 37.4\u00b0C again<\/p>\n

AGAIN!!!<\/p>\n

I felt tired, again<\/p>\n

I felt the warmth in the lungs, again<\/p>\n

the oxygen saturation was low, again<\/p>\n

I was down, again<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

fter the swing lifted me up, I went down again<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

now I started taking an “experimental” drug<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

the doctors gave me a strong antirheumatic drug that seems to have an effect on the virus, it doesn’t kill it, but it stops it<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

let’s hope so<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

how long will this last? for sure it’s not over<\/i><\/p>\n

but the world outside is still waiting, nobody is going anywhere, we can all wait, we all have time and now we also have all the time we want<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I hope that we’ll be able to save some time for later, also<\/p>\n

when the padlocks will reopen, I hope that people will adopt a lifestyle which is more human and less mechanical<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

(the quote in the photo: the little is not nothing)<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

Friday, April 17, 2020<\/b><\/h3>\n

I slowly started reading and writing again<\/p>\n

I started meditating again, now I’m able to do it a bit<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

indeed, the fever is still there, every single day for a couple of hours, and when it shows up I immediately start being afraid to relapse, every day I hope it’s going to be the first day without fever, but it didn’t happen so far<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

even the cough is still there, even the tiredness<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

but I’m convinced that I’m healed<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’m convinced that these are “only”<\/i> the side effects of COVID<\/p>\n

the side effects of the medicines I took<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I just wait and keep monitoring my values and pretend they’re normal, I don’t care anymore, I pretend nothing is going on<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I just want to see things change now\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I turned my life, my job, my dreams and my convictions upside down<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I started many projects<\/p>\n

I need to see things change<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I also took my husband hostage and I played Tetris with all the furniture of the office and the house, we also decided to paint my office again<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I NEED TO SEE THINGS CHANGE<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

and who knows, maybe on Monday I’ll also be able to do yoga and walk<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

how weird is that…<\/p>\n

in order to live, the virus has to kill me<\/p>\n

and if I die, then it dies too<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it necessarily has to die, it doesn’t have a chance to survive, but I do<\/i><\/p>\n

it’s a very consumerist concept\u2026.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

COVID invades a body and squeezes it to the core, it takes as much as possible, to finally die with the body<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

do you associate it with something, dear Beppe?<\/p>\n

I do…\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it reminds me of mankind<\/p>\n

this absurd consumerist viral form is mankind. Men squeeze the Earth in every way, and they still want more and more…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

and there is only one destiny: if the Earth dies, men will die with her<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

but men have a brain that can do a lot of things, if they want to<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

why can’t we just accept the compromise of living with less?<\/i><\/p>\n

why can’t we resize our lifestyle and mutate from a deadly VIRUS into a useful and necessary bacterium, such as lactic ferments in our intestine?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

April 24, 2020<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

52 days have passed since my infection<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the second swab turned out negative\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

today is the first day of the rest of my life<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

tomorrow is April 25, the Liberation Day in Italy<\/a>, and tomorrow I should get the official notice declaring the end of my quarantine<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’ll be free too<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

free not to infect anyone<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

and maybe now even the nightmares will disappear, those in which I infected everyone, and I couldn’t do anything about it<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

but actually, being healed from COVID doesn’t mean feeling good\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

COVID can generate many diseases in a body<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

there are people who suffered serious lungs damage for years, months, or perhaps decades and they live with it<\/p>\n

that’s not my case, but there are also other possible damages<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’m fighting against an infection that nobody knows where it is, nobody knows if it’s there but still, it will keep my body tied down for a while longer<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the battle against COVID weakens the body and it may lead to some latent problems that were once hidden or kept under control, which can alter everything<\/p>\n

it may also have opened the doors to other enemies<\/p>\n

or it may not have damaged the lungs, but may have damaged the heart, the kidneys, the liver<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

now that I am no longer positive to COVID, I\u2019m about to start the second part of the war<\/b>, the one related to POST COVID complications<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

in the meantime, tomorrow is the Liberation Day and I already put two bottles in the fridge<\/b>, one for tomorrow and one for today<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

May 1, 2020<\/b><\/h3>\n

I’ve been sick for 59 days<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I started a new treatment, more pills for breakfast\u00a0<\/span><\/b>^_^<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

damn, it’s hard<\/i> … for now I feel a bit down but let’s hope this swing will bring me up again<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

outside it’s sunny, flowers bloom and I’m full of dreams, books to read and projects to carry on<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’m not sleeping much at night,\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

I always go to bed very late and, as soon as I open my eyes, my mind wakes up and in a second it fills with thousand anxieties and thousand ideas<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

consequently, even my heart, my tachycardia and my passion wake up<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

now things have all mixed together<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

it’s true that the world will never be the same again, maybe I won’t be the same again, not even my body<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

so now I’m living with tachycardia and oxygen saturation changes,<\/p>\n

with fever, chills, dyspnea, cough, diarrhea, dry skin and cold hands sometimes and… let me think… what else is there?<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

every now and then I argue with my body,<\/b> like today while I was making lasagne and the cough wouldn’t let me work!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

but let’s say that now it’s all part of my new routine<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I understood that delegating is a powerful way to do things, especially when the body doesn’t help, and I’m learning to do it ^ _ ^<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I prepared and implemented so many projects… and I’m so proud of it!<\/i><\/p>\n

for sure if I weren’t sick it would take less time for everything, but that’s why I’m even more proud<\/b> of it<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I see people who are exhausted by this period, but still, they’re in good health conditions<\/i><\/p>\n

overwhelmed by their life and by the wrong choices made before the pandemic<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

in my case, I feel my body weakened by this virus<\/b>,\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n

but I’ve never felt so alive inside<\/b><\/h3>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

for sure I can’t draw or paint<\/p>\n

but I can think, dream and write<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can also have phone meetings, with a little patience and training ^_^<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am reinventing my whole life, my beliefs and my motivations<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I observed and listened in silence, I chose the people I want to have close to me in this new life<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

and I prepared a huge restoration project, because I want to be better, today more than yesterday, always<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

despite the COVID, or perhaps even thanks to it<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

in a couple of days, the PHASE2 will start<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

a gradual reopening of the padlocks that will make us understand if we have enough diligence to be able to keep the virus under control without a new wave of infections<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

are you familiar with the arrival of a child into a family? or with the arrival of a new puppy?<\/p>\n

you suddenly realize that the house is not safe,<\/i> and you start fixing things up as the newcomer shows them to you… but COVID is invisible<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

will we still be able to make this world a safer place?<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

from Monday, we’ll be able to see our families again<\/b><\/h3>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

well, not me<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

because my immune system is compromised, and I could get sick very easily and make room for other problems<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

so, on Monday I’ll have to call my relatives and tell them everything, the whole truth<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I’ll have to tell them<\/b> “I’m sorry, you can’t come over to see me, and gather all in the living room, united but distant, wearing masks, gloves and a glass of wine while having a chat… because I tested positive to COVID more than 60 days ago and my body is weak and you could get very sick”<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

those healthy people, my family, they are my bacteriological bombs<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

May 12, 2020<\/b><\/h3>\n

I went on a trip to the First Aid again, again my values \u200b\u200bwere shitting and it was better to spend a day at rest in a stretcher, rather than under the cherry tree, to have some tests done<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

every time I get out of there I feel better, I have more certainties, a bit of numbers and drawings that tell me that “everything will be fine”<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sunday I took the last pill of my treatment cycle and I decided that yesterday was the last day to be sick<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

today I’m starting to take new pills, this time it’s not medicines but restorative bombs<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I decided that there is no infection in my body, even if the values \u200b\u200bare not perfect<\/i><\/p>\n

I decided that the heart and other muscles just need a little help, but they are fine<\/i><\/p>\n

I decided that if my hands are shaking and I cannot write, it is only my body destroyed, but there is no battle going on<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

like after the war when you have to start with the reconstruction works<\/b> and you know that the dictator is no longer there and not even his generals<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I decided that the “PIMP MY BODY” PHASE begins<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I decided that I will publish this article, as soon as I have the strength to hold the cellphone in my hand for a little longer\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

because I want everything to end<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was a volcano of ideas, despite everything<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

I never stopped dreaming and carrying on my dreams<\/p>\n

it took me much longer, it’s okay<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I found a new way of life, like when a black swan crosses your street and you suddenly react to the impact<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I want to put a point to this chapter and write the word \u201cend\u201d<\/p>\n

I want to not add more pages here, but to open a new diary<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

what a coincidence\u2026. when the free pages of this Diary end right now, right here<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I love you Beppe, thank you for listening to me for 72 days, see you there, among the pages of the next Diary<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

it will probably starts like this:<\/p>\n

\u201cDear Beppe, I have been positive to COVID, but now I am fine\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

with love, but always irriverent<\/p>\n

L A D Y S A R A<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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